How to Talk to a Loved One About Needing Help

Carmen Torres
Nov 27, 2025
2 min read

Discussing care needs with a loved one can be emotional, sensitive, and sometimes uncomfortable. Many older adults worry about losing independence or becoming a burden on their families. Approaching the conversation with patience, empathy, and understanding can make all the difference.

Here's how to start the discussion and gently encourage your loved one to accept help when they need it.

Start Early, Before a Crisis

It's always easier to talk about support before safety becomes a serious issue. Bringing up the topic when things are still stable helps your loved one feel more in control and less prepared.

Try saying:

"I want us to plan ahead together so you can stay safe and comfortable at home for as long as possible."

Choose the Right Time and Place

Avoid discussing care during stressful moments. Instead, pick a quiet time when your loved one is relaxed: maybe during a coffee, a calm afternoon, or after a doctor appointment.

Focus on Their Goals, Not Their Limitations

Frame the conversation around what they want, such as staying at home, keeping their independence, or feeling safer.

You might say:

"I know you want to stay in your own home. Having a little help could make that possible."

"I want to help you stay independent - getting support doesn't mean losing control."

Use "I" Statements

"I" statements reduce defensiveness and keep the conversation from sounding accusatory.

Instead of:

"You can't take care of yourself like you used to."

Try:

"I'm worried about you cooking alone. I'd feel better if someone could help with meals."

Offer Simple, Small Solutions First

Sometimes introducing care slowly makes the idea more comfortable.

For example:

"What if we just try having someone come for two hours a week? We can see how you feel about it."

Acknowledge Their Emotions

Your loved one might feel embarrassed, overwhelmed, or afraid. Validate their feelings.

"I know this is a lot to take in. It makes sense that you'd feel unsure."

Bring in a Third Party if Needed

A doctor, pastor, or trusted friend may help reinforce the message in a gentle way.

Sample Scripts to Help You Start the Conversation

Script 1 - Safety Focused:

"Mom, I've noticed you've had a harder time moving around the house lately. I'm worried about you. I want you to stay home where you're comfortable, and I think having a caregiver a few hours a week could help."

Script 2 - Independence Focused:

"Dad, I know you value doing things your own way. Having some extra help could actually give you more independence, not less."

Script 3 - Family Caregiver Burnout:

"I love helping you, but I'm getting stretched thin with work and the kids. I want to give you the best care possible, and bringing in support will help all of us."